“Mummy how long are we going to stay here?” That’s what my youngest, who just turned four asked me the other day when she was helping me prepare dinner. I asked her what she meant by that and I figured out that she thought we were staying in a holiday home.
It really hit me at that moment. The guilt of moving. In her short life of four years, we’ve lived in four homes. Okay not that she’ll remember the first, but that’s a lot. I thought about all of our children and what our transient life means. Is it important to have a home that you stay in and feel grounded? I know that we have many more years of moving ahead of us and I find it unsettling myself at times. They are really excited to be in a new home, but once that wears off and they love this house and the memories attached, will they start to feel insecure that they will soon have to leave this home and move on again?
Is a home where a family is together and where we gather our special things, or is it more? Is it a space of memories? A place that they can come home to when they’re in their twenties and thirties and starting out on their own. Somewhere they know that they’re going to get that secure happy feeling when they go “home” to visit mum and papa, to the place that unlocks all of their childhood memories.
They will never have that door with the height measurements to look at, or that broken tree house in the back garden. The one thing that we can give them though, is a home full of unconditional love, experiences, and (hopefully enough) laughter, wherever we may be at the time. Do they need a physical place to hold those memories or can these stay with the child no matter where they are?
Perhaps I’m over dramatizing it. Kids are resilient but when I visit friends and family with settled homes, I can’t help myself feeling a tinge of guilt.
I’d love to know what you think about this. Be honest, and please don’t worry about making me feel guilty, I won’t cry I promise. Perhaps you’ve moved around with kids? Or you stayed put and wished you didn’t? Do you feel that kind of thing is important to their well-being?
In the meantime, I’m pretty excited about this gorgeous feature wall in our new home! I’ll show you the full effect soon.
Mel x
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Dearest Mel, I appreciate your honesty in this post and love how much you care for your family and their happiness. For me, I have come to learn that home is something that is within me, it is not in a place or material things. However, the house and the things in it create a space for love to blossom. Throughout my inner journey I have come to realize all the beliefs or “veils” that covered my eyes created a sense of disconnection from what was truth and what was illusion. After time, when those veils were removed, I could finally see that “home” was right within me. This of course is much easier said than done (for me).
I admire you for how you transition with your family, adding love into each home you are renting. Imagine how many people you help simply by sharing your experience, your story and truth? Big round of applause to you, my friend. It is an honor to learn from you. Much love, Jocelyn xx
Thank you Jocelyn, you always have the sweetest words. Love learning from you too my dear. x
That’s a tough one. I can only speak from my own experience, having moved about 13 times now, mostly as a child. I think for kids leaving friends may be the hardest thing. But then, they do get to make new ones and isn’t that what life’s about anyway? When you can provide them with a loving and safe home, the house itself and maybe even the location isn’t that important. Their home is where you are. xx
It’s true, the leaving friends really is tough. My oldest boy still has very close friends in Sydney that he’s known since a newborn. The last time we were visiting and it was time to leave, he was so upset. Absolutely heartbreaking:( But yes, life is about experiences and sometimes it’s not always easy. I just want to wrap them up with cotton wool though.
I have the same worried as you and dream of a ‘forever’ family house but it’s not in our future short-term, and truth be told the day we do settle down I will miss the possibility of a new house and a fresh start.
My parents have lived in their current home for almost 25 years and although it isn’t the house I did a lot of my growing up in, it is nice to have that familiar place to go home to. Its not really about the house though, it’s them. They are the memory keepers, the dinner makers, the tradition holders. It will be the same for your children; wherever your house is, you are ‘home’. X
Thanks Bex, I hope that it’s like that. Your parents sound wonderful! Mel x
They have their moments! X